I know I said I wouldn’t post any more sad shit, but I feel like crap today, so I guess I might as well bring you all down with me.  Last one, I promise*.

Today is the come-down I guess.

The day when you realise that you have to live the rest of your life without your mate.

That you can’t call her when you’re in a restaurant to ask WTF some fancy-schmancy ingredient is.  That you can’t send a scathing text to her when you see someone wearing a terrible outfit combo (and you can’t say it to anyone else or they’ll think you’re a bastard, which is fairly accurate.)  That you can’t send her a pic of the Cadbury Dairy Milk Family Block you are about to eat, knowing she will text straight back telling you you’re a bogan.

That you won’t hear her laugh again.

Or see her bloody big smile.

That you won’t be having all those family holidays you were planning, once she got well.

That you won’t be going to New York together for her 40th.  She won’t be having a 40th.

The hole that is in my chest right now just feels so big I don’t know how it will ever heal.  I know all the platitudes.  I’ve done this all before.  Several times.

I’m just wrung out today.

So if I haven’t already bummed out your day enough, check out this song by Xavier Rudd that played at the funeral.  It was written for Hayley I reckon.

*This might be a lie.  I will try though..