Deathaversary

Today was a bit surreal. But I made it through, and that has to count for something.

I only mildly embarrassed myself when I was giving blood and I saw the poster calling for stem cell donors and had a cry and the phlebotomist thought I was crying about the needle so she came running over to check on me, and I said, “No, no it’s not the needle, I love the needle, well not love it, I don’t like it at all, I’m not some kind of sickie you know, I’m crying about the stem cells, but not really the stem cells, but about my friend, who is dead, and has been for ages, a year today in fact, and it feel like so long ago and hardly any time all at once.”

So that went well.

And I only told off two innocent people for things that were mildly annoying, but as Liam said about one of them, “Don’t worry Mum, he was a bogan anyway. I knew he was a bogan because he had a whole arm of tattoos, and I’ve found that you don’t have to be a bogan to have a tattoo, but most bogans have tattoos.”

So that went really well.

And I only completely and inappropriately poured my heart out in the comments section of someone else’s blog, but it was Eden’s and she won’t mind. In fact she will totally get it, because Eden gets me, and this deathaversary stuff.

So that’s not so bad.

And then I drank the cherry beer that I’ve been hoarding for a year, over on my mate’s balcony, and I didn’t cry, and we chatted about Hayls and life and death and the afterlife and souls and how people look when they’re dying and then later when they’re dead, and how I met Hayls and how I friended Hayls and how I miss her so much more than I would ever thought was humanly possible, and how I don’t feel even one tiny step closer towards accepting that I won’t ever hear her laugh again.

And then we saw a shooting star, and it was around the T.O.D, and we took it as a sign.

So that was pretty good.

…From The Ashers xx