Just Stop It
The other day I was lamenting alllllll of the things that I’m not doing so well at: buying too much stuff, not exercising enough, feeling like I never have enough time. Etcetera etcetera and blahblahblah. I went on and on with this moaning monologue, carrying on about how this must all stem from some unmet need of mine, perhaps from my childhood or adolescence, perhaps because I don’t feel like I do enough, achieve enough, be enough. That I am not enough. Or something.
My friend was kind and looked at me as if she was listening. For quite a while.
Then she said, “Just stop it then.”
What?
“Just stop buying stuff. Stop doing so much. Stop talking about imaginary exercise you haven’t done, and do some actual exercise.”
What?
“You can change your mind and your life in a heartbeat if you really want to, so do it.”
What?
“Do you want to live the life you want, or whine about the one you wish you had? If you really want to do something, do it. If you don’t, don’t. Not what you think you should. What you think you would.”
What?
“And don’t blame some thing in your past, that’s just a habit that you keep on reinforcing. Don’t think these behaviours stem from some deficiency or defect within you, that there is something making you do, or not do, these things. You are choosing, or sometimes, not choosing, in which case you are still choosing, by default.”
What?
“You can live your life looking ahead, or by trying to steer, looking only in your rear-view mirror, it’s your choice that makes it so, and nothing else. There is no mysterious force propelling you to perform. There’s just you. And your mind.”
Well.I.Never.
And then another friend showed me this tonight (clearly my friends are not feeling like friends, but like underpaid shrinks)- I think you might like to watch it. I laughed. Snort laughs and proper laughs too. I laughed because it is funny, and tried not to laugh so much, because it’s true.
“Stop it.”
You might hear me say that once or twice in the weeks and months ahead. Please feel free to say it back, if you sense one of my soliloquys coming on. It’ll save you a good thirty-seven minutes of your life (cos aint nobody got time for dat).
What do you need to “stop it” about?
Could it really be that simple?
I believe the reason we all blame external factors for our behaviour is because the truth that we are the ones in control is too overwhelming. There really is “no-one” to blame for how our lives are except for us! and that is really too much to handle sometimes, so we take the responsibility off ourselves and delegate it to everything else, it’s a coping strategy that most people use, which is annoying but effective 🙂 xo
“You can live your life looking ahead, or by trying to steer, looking only in your rear-view mirror, it’s your choice that makes it so” – love it!
And what do I need to ‘stop it’ about – complaining about learning gonstead…
Haha, good old Clarry and the RA hands.. I remember having to make the “rat hole”, well, sort of. And then promptly forgot it… All I can say about that is ‘OPTIONS’ Meegs, it gives you options. Now, about the examination of the prostate…
As someone who has been to therapy (five years and turns out it was a chemical disorder, go figure) I found the ‘Stop It’ video really funny. I do agree though that for the most part we do have control and choices to make. I have a mental illness but I still try to look on the bright side and people who perpetually whinge and moan (as in are very negative) drive nuts! Pardon the pun ha ha
I’m so pleased to hear you say that Michelle.
The video was funny and relevant to me, but on reflection later this morning I almost pulled the post, wondering how it would sit with people who have actual mental illnesses.
Would it seem like I was suggesting that we can say “Stop it” to serious issues, as compared to my punitive puling and repeat behaviours?
I saw a great cartoon on twitter today comparing how we often treat mental versus physical illness, in that we say: broken leg, get treatment, broken brain, get over it….
Thanks for responding.
I need to stop working so late and justifying it due to the time of year etc. I will use those words to help me do so. I’m sure if I try to venture back to my computer after dinner I will hear the words ‘stop it’ and smile. We all have the ability to make our lives the way we want them to be. Ade and I moved across the world and believe me I never thought that was possible. We moved with a suitcase each and now we are richer in life (not actual money) then I ever could have imagined. Thank you for those words. Truly wonderful.
You’re welcome Chrissy. Makes it easier to digest with some humour doesn’t it?