On the Edge

There’s a funny old buzz going on isn’t there? A kind of frenetic energy, that can put you on edge and make you feel like you are perched right up on the brink of something, and you are gripping on with the knuckles of your toes, hoping against hope that you don’t slip. So you breathe shallow gasps, hoping you don’t flare your nostrils too much, upsetting the fragile balance you’ve created, and causing you to plummet to… something.

Except the dreaded abyss is something lovely and enjoyable and very safe.

And the security that you are so afraid of letting go of is just this day, mixed with the fear that you might have forgotten something.

I forgot two things yesterday.

They both involved spending time with other people. They were both things that I had said that I would only “pop in” to later on, as I had a house full of kids and Nath was working, but still. I actually forgot. Long after the children were all scooped up by their parents and Nath was home and hosed, we settled down to a late afternoon cuppa and I remembered the things I had forgotten.

Of course I will apologise and I’m sure they didn’t even miss me, but still. I’m sad to have missed out, and I’m annoyed that I didn’t even check the calendar to see where I was supposed to be.

So the feeling of “what else have I forgotten?” just won’t leave me today. Like Santa, I have been making a list and checking it (more than) twice, hoping that I will remember to do ALL OF THE THINGS. Of which there aren’t many- it is for this very reason that I get everything sorted early- my memory just can’t be relied upon when it comes to school holidays. It seems that with the shedding of the routine and the uniforms, comes a shedding of my short term memory, and all I can deal with is the stuff right in front of me.

So if you are feeling a bit like me, take heart, and see all of the things I have forgotten this last week: a 40th birthday, a coffee with a friend, a present for one of our kids, an accommodation booking in a very busy place over Xmas, Santa photos, three things from the food shopping list, another present from a shop on order, a visit to Optus to change for OS, a patient call, turning the dishwasher on overnight (stinky), that Howard’s Storage World isn’t even at the shopping centre any more (I went there anyway and come home with, er, other stuff), to book the kids into care for one day, a Christmas party and to change my blood donation appointment (fixed that)… I’m sure there’s more, but, um, I’ve forgotten them so far.

So today I’m going to: breathe deeply, forgive myself, and jump off that ledge instead of gripping on so tightly.

Who knows? I might fly.

…From The Ashers