Power vs Beauty: My Adventures in Grumpy Town
I know you are going to be shocked to hear this, but I found out today that I am officially a grumpy old lady.
I was already a bit cross before I started the week: I have a slight cough, I finished my book ‘Gone Girl‘ in one day, with no new book at the ready, and it’s a bit windy here. I don’t like wind. Gets me all tetchy.
I was also already a bit cross before I started the year: I have The Menopause. I assume that’s all I need to say about that.
Regardless of these portentous signs, today I did “literacy rotations” with the Grade One class, followed by a trip to the shopping centre. I guess you can see where this is heading…
So I made a list in my head of all the things that confirm that I am, in fact a grumpy old lady. It made me grumpier. I now provide this list for your reading pleasure:
- I saw a youth chuck some litter on the ground, I said “Oi,” and shook my head at him. He picked it up.
- I made that “tch-tch” clicking sound with my tongue, when someone tried to push in front of a kid at the newsagent. They let the kid (and me) go first.
- I saw a man my age staring at a friend of mine’s 18 year old daughter in the queue at Woolies. He had one look, then a pretend “I’m just moving my head around here, oh, look, a hottie young enough to be my daughter” look. Twice. I narrowed my eyes and stared at him until he felt me staring. When he looked at me, I flicked my eyes in Hotgirl’s direction. He got busy with his shopping after that.
- My iPhone went all weird and non-workingish so I gritted my teeth and seethed at it “You better work right now, you piss-poor excuse for a computer, or I’m replacing you.” Then I hit it twice. It works again.
- I was in the bakery section of the supermarket, and hungry, so I picked up some pizza rolls, saw the price, and put them back down. The bakery lady smiled and said, “Wrong flavour?” I said, “No, wrong price.” She pointed out to me some rolls that were on special.
So it appears that there has been an increase in my powers, proportional to the reduction in my youthfulness and sunny disposition. I’m too grumpy to decide what I prefer yet, so don’t even ask me, because: The Menopause.
On the way home from school, I observed two unsafe driving practices, so I told the children a long and educational story about each. It seems my new powers don’t work quite as well with them. Their eyes went all glassy, and I’m pretty sure Liam was air-guitaring the chords for ‘Funky Town‘ with his left hand. He better not have been changing the words to ‘Grumpy Town‘.
And then I looked down at my hand and saw this:
Do you have power or beauty? Can you have both?
Can you see my old lady spots yet? (lie to me, lie to me!)
nope, not grumpy. Just a fine, upstanding citizen trying to improve the manners of sloppy people, and with high expectations of stuff (food, electronics). And the hands look fine too, and they work well.
Maybe the old lady spots don’t show up properly in the photo….
20s?? 🙂 🙂 I have a beautiful photo (do you remember this one?) of us all at a sleepover around 1986. We were watching Eddie Murphy’s ‘Delirious’ I think. The extremity of difference between your stern disapproval and Petra’s complete hysteria is something I still gain pleasure in the retelling of. There is no way they are old lady hands…
Hahaha, yes, I would have been completely offended by Eddie Murphy back then (among so many other things).
A theme appears to be emerging: this grumpiness is not new. Who knew..?
Haha, nice, blame the study… I think we all know the truth about me..
I was just talking to a 74 yr old patient about my GOL club. She wants to be president. She said her son (who is a GP) commented last week about her still coming to see me (she’s been coming for over 10yrs) and she told him to stop being an ‘upstart’ (he’s 42years old). I like it.
Thanks Amanda.. Although I’m flabbergasted (old lady talk for shocked) to hear that I was grumpy in my 20s….
I think all the study and exams made us all grumpy. X and I personally am noticing how young everyone else is looking and find myself judging “the youth of today” so I really have to put myself in the grumpy old lady category too.
Hilarious Al. Although I kind of want to mention that you may have been a teensy bit grumpy in your twenties too, but will let it slide for the purpose of storytelling… And you know-The Menopause. Xx and definately NOT old lady hands! Keep writing, I’m loving it.